Him: Is it okay if I invite them over?
Me: How long will it be until you get here?
Him: Maybe twenty minutes.
Me: {sigh} I’ll hurry up and see what I can do.
I remember the days of having that kind of conversation. I remember the stress. My sweet husband would want to invite friends or youth group kids (when we were doing youth ministry) over. It stressed.me.out.
Confession: There were times when I would discourage him from inviting people over. I didn’t want to invest the time in cleaning the house and preparing snacks. Selfish but true!
Our house has never been super-tidy all the time. We’re not dirtballs (most of the time), but we do have our share of clutter. Having spur-of-the-moment company used to flip me into anxiety mode.
Fast-forward to last weekend. I noticed that a friend of my husband’s was unusually quiet at our Saturday night church service. Emma and I came home, but my husband was still at the church. I called him and I told him what I noticed. I told him that he was welcome to invite this friend over if he needed to chat.
Yep. Me. I initiated it.
Oh and did I mention that our Christmas decorations were still in tubs in the living room at the time? (Yes, I’ve put them away since then.) Did I mention that I didn’t have and arsenal of homemade snacks at the ready?
So what changed my tune?
Learning the difference between hospitality and entertaining.
Entertaining
Entertaining is stressful. Entertaining means being the hostess and making sure that guests are having a good time. It means bringing out the finest and amusing the people who visit your home. It means a spotless home and well-planned refreshments. It means being ON while people are in your home.
Blech.
I’m not an entertainer. I don’t want put on a show. Yet had been my mindset for years.
Hospitality
Hospitality is opening the door of your home and welcoming people into it. It means allowing them into your space, into your life. It draws them in to be part of your family while they’re visiting. Hospitality is warm and friendly.
Viewing guests through the lens of hospitality means that Christmas totes in the middle of January don’t matter. It means that popping up some popcorn (which is the snack our family would’ve had anyways) works for refreshments. It’s not elaborate. It’s just comfortable and welcoming. It says, “Hey, kick your shoes off, put your feet up, and make yourself at home.”
Does that mean that we can’t go all out to serve up a great meal? Of course not! What we serve and how we decorate don’t make the difference between hospitality and entertaining. It’s all about the heart and how we view our guests. What’s our goal? If we’re out to WOW them, we’re probably entertaining. If we’re out to meet their needs and make them feel welcome and loved, we’re being hospitable.
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
~ Romans 12:13
We’re not asked to entertain them. We’re asked to welcome them in and meet their needs. Those needs might be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
~ I Peter 4:9
Viewing visitors through that hospitality lens will cure the grumbling.
The next time you have an opportunity to welcome someone into your home, I challenge you to practice hospitality. Don’t put on a show. Just open the door and your heart as you invite someone to c’mon in and be part of your family for a while.
I love this! You’re right. Entertaining is NOT the same as hospitality. Thanks for the reminder!
It took me a LONG time to get to that point, Kristin. Glad you enjoyed!
Well it took learning that difference to have anyone over. Learning the difference between the two is why I can have a weekly Bible study in my home. I’m not the best at it but I sure want people to feel wanted and loved. If you’re at my house to see how well I clean, then you will be sadly disappointed. But my hope is that you’ll be glad you came because you are my friends and I tried to make you feel that way.
Well Amy, my friend, you definitely learned the lesson well then. We’ve always felt so welcomed at your house! Funny…. You don’t notice clean vs. not clean when that happens. I think back and can’t remember a darn thing about the state of your house! That says a lot for people being the focus. Well done.
Jennifer
Thank you for providing this perspective for me and all who read this. The way you have put your thoughts into words has enabled me to take on a new thought process about the whole topic of hospitality. I am grateful for the way you have blessed me in this area of my life. Thank you! Also, as I pass this onto our children, I am quite sure that they will be blessed by it, as well… and, then, just think of all those who will be blessed by their hospitality throughout their lifetime. Thank you Thank you!!
That’s awesome, Holly! I know it’s easy to get stressed when company is coming. But what they really want is our company, not our spotless house and perfect food. It took me a long time to get to this place, and I still fall back into my entertainment mindset sometimes. It’s all a process.
Lovely post! I once read that Entertaining is about “me”, while Hospitality is about “others”…